Responding to Feedback You Disagree with

Everyone of us has had to receive some not-so-flattering or even negative feedback at some point in our worklife. It is always difficult to hear a critical observation or reaction and a lot of times our first response is to think about how it might be wrong or undeserved, and then either isolate ourselves from it or get bogged down.

But that, while a natural reaction, does not help at all. What is more useful is a calm and restrained approach.

The first thing to do is to understand that feedback, of any kind, is a good thing. It can help you identify what’s lacking or where you are going wrong and thereby actually help you to grow and get better. So train yourself to welcome feedback. Sure, the person criticising you might not have a good understanding of what exactly you have to do or go through, or maybe they don’t know enough to be able to judge. But you don’t always have to agree fully with what they say. Just don’t dismiss it out of hand.

Give yourself time to react. Don’t respond immediately to what is being said. You don’t have to immediately decide on whether they are right or wrong or whether you want to accept it or reject it. If you start doing that, more often than not, you will end up defending yourself or trying to justify circumstances. Instead take the effort to understand what exactly the person giving the feedback is trying to say. A lot of times, while in our first impression we might think they are talking about a certain thing, it could be that the area of concern is not what we are assuming it to be. So ask questions that will help you pinpoint and understand the issue at hand. Request the person to be specific or give examples of what they are referring to.

Show that you are open to listening to another point of view. Refusing engagement with any critical feedback can show you up to be a know-it-all and give an impression that you are not a team player. However ability to have a positive conversation on something like this can be a big plus. Also, this then becomes a collaborative problem solving exercise, rather than a one-way criticism. Remember you don’t need to agree, but you do need to be accepting of a different point of view.  

At this point, once you have given the other person a chance to elaborate on what they mean and where they are coming from, share any additional information you have. This is a good time to let them know the reason you might or might not have done something. Because you have given them a chance to have their say, and taken the time to understand, you will not come across as defensive and they too will be more receptive to your explanation.

Sometimes this will be enough to resolve the issue. But there will be times, when you will realize that what they were saying was in fact true. All of us can have a blind spot, or we can miss thinking about certain aspects because of inexperience or sometimes because it just didn’t strike us. At such times, receiving the feedback is a chance for course correction and giving it due consideration is actually a favour to ourselves.

In any case, handling feedback you might not agree with in a professional and dignified way will only improve your standing, irrespective of what direction you take.